Joining is a term used by many couples and family therapists. I use it with couples to find ways they can join with each other instead of being so against each other. Often times we get so caught up in a fight or argument that we lose sight of what we are even trying to talk about in the first place. Joining is also a way to connect with your partner and find that quality time that so many couples are looking for. When we are caught up in a fight or when we get so busy with life, we often lose out on quality time with our spouse or partner.
In couples or marriage therapy we ask, what is quality time? What is joining? How do we get focused again to heal old wounds and start enjoying our time together?
I define quality time as any activity where two people are sharing time together and the emphasis is on each other and not the activity. I also add this is a time to join with your partner or spouse. You might not like going on walks or going to a certain restaurant but it’s not about the place or the activity. It’s more about who you are doing it with, celebrating the relationship, and knowing that your partner appreciates you being with them.
The last question about healing old wounds and moving forward, that is about spending time together. Not just talking about the “problem” but more importantly, having fun together and bringing playfulness back into your relationship.
Some ideas for quality time:
• Walk on the beach
• Watch the sunset
• Go to the book store
• Go out to dinner or make dinner at home and set a candlelight table (if you have children wait for them to go to bed and have dessert by candlelight)
• Go for a car ride and sing a song together
• Lay in bed together and appreciate the quiet
• Take a shower together
• Play in the rain
• Have a pillow fight
• Go see a movie or concert or comedy show
• Have coffee on your front or back porch
I am sure I could think of more, but the idea is for you and your partner to take some time and think about how you would both enjoy laughing and spending time together. Make a list together of things you like to do and then pick the first two and do them. Remember the emphasis isn’t on what you are doing but who you are doing it with! Have fun!!
Please call 727-565-2551 to discuss any questions you might have about how I can help you find ways to join together and get the happiness back in your relationship; or click here to schedule an appointment.