The 50 Shades Series
Part 1, Desire
I recently read the 50 shades of Grey series by EL James, and have decided to include my comments on the books. This series offers up so many different areas of discussion that I will be doing my own 50 Shades of Grey series.
I recently saw EL James interviewed on the Katie Couric Show. She talked about the book and how Christen Grey is a “fantasy man”. The notion of a billionaire, who knows how to show a woman a good time, who understands how to pleasure, who can take care of and protect you, and is willing to try “more” in the relationship and explore love instead of just sex does sound like a fantasy. These fantasies are similar to what bring a lot of people into couple’s therapy. All of us want to create emotional intimacy, emotional connectedness, and excitement while enjoying healthy communication, a healthy and fulfilling sex life, and most importantly security.
With that in mind, the first parts of the series I will address are Desire and Fantasy. I’d like to delve into how this book really opens the door for many people to explore their desires and fantasies with their sexual partner. There have been so many people reporting that this book has rekindled or saved their marriage or relationship. Intimate topics once thought of as taboo even in long term relationships are now being discussed openly. Couples are starting to explore their own fantasies in a way now that is “safe” instead of feeling like they have to keep it a secret.
So often I hear from couples that they have different views of their sex life and different concepts of sexual satisfaction. Sadly their compromise ends up being no sex, fighting and sometimes even affairs. These books feature the main characters talking very openly about their sex life and the satisfaction they feel both from their sex life and each other. (Note: This however doesn’t mean that every couple has to explore BDSM to achieve sexual satisfaction in their relationship.) I know that sometimes discussions about sex and sexuality can be uncomfortable or embarrassing, but there is an intimacy that can be achieved in knowing your partners desires.
A lot of what sex is, is exploring fantasy. How often do you really talk to your partner about your likes, dislikes, fantasies and what you really desire? Have you ever asked your partner about their own hard and soft
limits? When people talk about how this book saved their marriage or relationship it is because it has really opened the door to talking to their partner about their own fantasies and desires. They are trying something different and new which creates excitement from the everyday routine. That’s good not only for your sex life, but also for your relationship.