What are your hopes and dreams? And, when was the last time you and your partner talked about your hopes and dreams?
These are important questions to ask. Why? Because talking about your hopes and dreams is a big part of how you make a connection in your relationship.
You might be asking what does talking about your dreams have to do with improving your relationship? Talking about your dreams together is about creating a bond, and growing understanding between you and your partner. Dr. John Gottman includes sharing life dreams in his Sound Relationship House theory.
Communicating hopes and dreams creates openness and connection.
And understanding into how your partner sees the world.
When a couple shares their individual dreams they are letting each other in to how they see the world, what they hope for and what goals they want to achieve. They work together on how they support each other in accomplishing those goals.
My sister and I were talking about this topic the other day and she shared with me a story from when her and husband first got married. They were living in a small apartment and one of their favorite things to do was to walk and discuss what they wanted in their lives as they grew older together. She said one time they went to Lowes and picked out paint samples for the dream house they would have someday. Sure enough, when they got their first house they had kept some of those paint samples for their first house together. We discussed that those are some of their best memories of the beginning of their relationship and even now they have a much different life with four kids and busy jobs, they still take time to talk about what their hopes and dreams are even as their lives have changed.
When you discuss your hopes and dreams as a couple you are creating a shared vision with each other on how you see the world and what is important to you. When you discuss your hopes and dreams it doesn’t mean that you have to have the same hopes and dreams—just discussing them creates connection and a better understanding for how you both see the world. Also I tell couples that sometimes it’s good to develop hopes and dreams together, just like my sister and her husband have done.
As we move through life together in relationships we grow and our perspective of our life changes.
We might need to be reminded of what brings aliveness and excitement into our lives. When we sit down and discuss our dreams we bring a sense of excitement and connectedness into our lives and into the relationship. It’s true that most couples get caught in a rut and feel like they are just being robots. They might start to question things about themselves and the relationship also. When you take time to nurture your relationship, to make it a priority and start discussing your dreams you bring life back into the relationship and into yourselves.
After you read this blog, I want you to write out your top three dreams, for you as an individual and for your relationship. Ask your partner to do the same. Once you have both written your dreams, turn off phones, TV and all electronics and share with one another what you both have written. Once you hear them, ask what you can do to support them accomplishing those dreams. Ask what is one step forward to move on the relationship dream? After this discussion, you will feel closer to your partner and have a sense of excitement or aliveness. Commit to each other that at least once a quarter you will come back and discuss progress on these dreams, or create new dreams
Have fun with this activity and enjoy learning something new about your partner!!